Author’s Betrayal
(to be sung to the tune of Billy Joel’s “Tomorrow Is Today”)

I’ve been reading every volume;
Lots of money I did pay
But I’m afraid to think about it
Now that Dumbledore is gay.

People clapping and exclaiming
“Oh, the news just made my day!
What a move for equal rights!”
Now that Dumbledore is gay.

I don’t want to know the details
‘Cause the guy’s now old and gray.
He’s just lost the restraining wisdom
That I saw there yesterday.

So I wonder when he did it
And the price he had to pay.
And what’s the use of self-control
Now that Dumbledore is gay?

Still I’m waiting for the reason
And I don’t know what she’ll say.
The perfect love is not Platonic
Now that Dumbledore is gay.

Oh, my. Had my suspicions
‘Bout Rowling’s character intuitions
Relations lack any stability
Harry and Ginny; what’s there? Please answer me.
Too late! Badly written!
Dumbledore lusty? Ya gotta be kiddin’ me.
Why not let the poor man just pass away?

And some day, if she writes another book
I won’t give it a look.

He gave up on ruling power
And turned down dark magic, eh?
Inconsistent, then, to yield
To his flesh in this one way.

Though she said it, and they love it,
And although some swing that way.
Anyone with half a brain
Knows that Dumbledore’s not gay.